Recently scientists have performed various studies to prove that the beaver is more intelligent than the dolphin. Numerous experiments have shown that on average beavers are ten times more responsive to simple commands than dolphins, and show greater aptitude in performing the tasks. In the case of complex cognitive tasks, beavers also showed a greater ability to problem solve and react to difficult situations. When I interviewed my esteemed colleague from Harvard University, Dr. Richard Montgomery Chesterfield, he stated that he had hypothesized that beavers were more intelligent many years ago. When asked why he had this to say:
Beavers display the ability to act as a group to achieve a common goal. By observing their behavior while building and maintaining dams it was obvious that they used a high level of cognition. The dams do not only serve as a means of shelter, but also are used to create and environment where they can thrive and increase their survival rate. The Dolphin however, is the jackass of the sea, they are used for our entertainment like clowns in a circus. I have never witnessed a dolphin perform a task that a dog couldn't. Also dolphins are just really queer and beavers can fuck your shit up.
Dr. Chesterfield has provided us with the necessary information to prove the beaver's dominance over the dolphin, and it seems that we can finally put this debate to rest.
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